


If The Ring Fits... (Except It Doesn't)

by BewareTheIdesOfMarch



Category: Free!
Genre: Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, M/M, Pre-Relationship, hospitals I guess???, okay i'm done now, this is silly and I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 18:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1867770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BewareTheIdesOfMarch/pseuds/BewareTheIdesOfMarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hazuki Nagisa can now check marriage fraud off of his list of things to do before he dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If The Ring Fits... (Except It Doesn't)

**Author's Note:**

> This was a silly drabble written for a prompt given to me by a friend and then posted on tumblr. And then I was asked to continue it??? This is silly and probably not proofed very well but here you go.

Hazuki Nagisa was in trouble.

This wasn’t a _new_ development, he was usually in some kind of trouble anyways, but as he looked furtively around the hospital room, carefully avoiding the nurse’s gaze, he started to think that _maybe_ he was in a little over his head this time. The figure on the bed was still snoring peacefully, totally unaware of the frantic scheming happening barely a foot away. Nagisa accidentally caught the nurse’s eye, smiled pleasantly, and pulled out his phone. He knew he’d have to do something soon or risk being caught.

Deep breaths. Now smile. _Smiiiiile_ \- that’s it. You can do this; it’s no different from convincing the teacher that you’ve got special permission from the nurse to eat during class. Now who lives the closest? Mako-chan’s in Tokyo, learning how to handle sick hamsters or something. Haru-chan’s still in Iwatobi so he’s closer, but he probably won’t have what you need… Doesn’t Ai-chan go to college near here? _Perfect_.

Nagisa scrolled through his contacts until he found the right number. Ai-chan was nice, he’d be able to help him out.

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 6:47 pm**   
_Aiichirou~~~~ <3<3_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 6:58 pm**   
_Yes?_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 6:59 pm**   
_ur roommate’s still a theatre major right??????_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:01 pm**   
_Takeda-san? Yes, he is._

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:01 pm**   
_i need to borrow some costume jewelry!!!! v important!!!!!!!_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:03 pm**   
_Oh. I can ask him if he’ll lend me some I guess. When do you need it?_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:03 pm**   
_now!!! <3 <3 <3 _

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:06 pm**   
_Oh._

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:06 pm**   
_oh??????_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:08 pm  
** _I’m not in my dorm right now._

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:09 pm**   
_pls!!!!!! it’s rly important!!!!!_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:12 pm**   
_Ai-chan??????_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:15 pm**   
_wat r u doin??????? :( :( :(_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:20 pm**   
_I’m with Rin._

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:21 pm**   
_Rin-chan’s back from his super-duper-special olympic training camp??? he should have told us!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:25 pm**   
_He’s still training…_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:26 pm**   
_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:27 pm**   
_ur visiting Rin-chan in tokyo??????? at ajinomoto????_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:27 pm**   
_don’t u have class???_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:28 pm**   
_I’m on spring break._

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:30 pm**  
 _And Rin invited me! (´_ _ヮ`)_

 **Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:31 pm**  
 _\\(_ _＝u_ _▽u_ _＝)/_

 **Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:32 pm**  
 _(_ _＞ｙ＜)_

 **Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:33 pm**  
 _(¬_ _‿¬)_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:33 pm**   
_No, Nagisa!_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:34 pm**   
_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:34 pm**   
_Stop! It’s not like that!!!_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:35 pm**  
 _(_ _：_ _へ_ _：_ _)_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:37 pm**   
_Anyways, I don’t think I can get you the jewelry now. Sorry!!!_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:38 pm**   
_ur sure??? it’s kinda an emergency!_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:38 pm**   
_What do you need it for?_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:40 pm**   
_things…._

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:41 pm**   
_Are you in trouble?_

**Text From: Hazuki Nagisa – 7:42 pm**   
_don’t worry about it! go back to ur date w/ Rin-chan~!!_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:42 pm**   
_It’s not a date!!!_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 7:50 pm**   
_Nagisa?_

**Text From: Nitori Aiichirou – 8:07 pm**   
_Nagisa??_

Nagisa, having realized that it was a liiiitle impossible for Ai-chan to bring him the appropriate accessories all the way from Tokyo, had racked his brain for other possible solutions. The nurse who had led him to the room in the first place had grudgingly left him alone after being called to see another patient, but kept returning periodically to stare him down. Nagisa was starting to sweat under her close scrutiny, but tried to wave it off with a cheerful grin and a small wave.

He was pretty sure she wasn’t buying it.

All other options discarded, he was left with only one person to go to. With a gulp, he reached for his phone again.

“Hi, Gou-chan! Are you busy right now? Perfect! Rei-chan’s in the hospital and- what? No, it’s not serious, just a broken leg. Don’t yell, that’s what the doctor told me!!! Anyways, could you come visit us? Oh, and could you bring some rings..?”

 

~~~~

 

Gou flashed a pleasant smile at the orderly who had brought her to Rei’s room.

“Now young lady, remember that visiting hours are over in fifteen minutes. I don’t want to have to drag you out of here.” The middle-aged man chuckled and winked at her, and she forced a laugh too.

“Thank you for reminding me, I’ll be sure to make it quick!”

The man smiled, reassured, and exited the room. As soon as he was out of sight, her smile dropped off of her face and she whirled to glare at the small blonde man seated by the bed. Nagisa grinned guiltily at her. Rei, looking unharmed aside from the large purple cast on his leg, snored quietly.

“What. Did. You. _Do_?” She stalked towards the bed, annoyance rolling off of her in waves.

Nagisa jumped up. “Did you bring the rings?” Gou’s step faltered slightly.

“They’re in my purse.” She got her stride back and started towards him again. “Why didn’t you call me right away?”

Nagisa didn’t bother to answer her question. He was at her side in a flash, tugging on her bag and trying to unzip it. She smacked him away and opened it herself, pulling out two fairly simple metal bands. He lunged for them and she jerked her hand away.

“Nuh-uh. You have to tell me what you need them for first.” Nagisa pouted, biting his lip anxiously.

“Gou-chaaaaan, please? I just need them, okay???”

“How long have I known you? It’s Kou, got it? _Kou_.”

“Kou-chan, please!!!!” That gave her a pause, Nagisa never used her preferred nickname unless he was trying to charm her into doing something or he was lying to her. Now she had to know what this ring nonsense was all about.

“Cough it up Hazuki, or I’m taking my rings and leaving.”

Nagisa let out a whine and dropped his head onto her shoulder. There was a moment of silence, and then, just as Gou was drawing breath to threaten him again, he let out a sigh.

“I told the nurses that I’m Rei-chan’s husband because only relatives get to stay the night in the hospital and they looked at my id so I couldn’t say that we’re brothers besides we don’t look enough alike and I don’t think they believe me because his records don’t say that he’s married but I’m the emergency contact after his parents and they’re in Hawaii so I got called in and I told them that he hadn’t changed his contacts in ages which is true but there’s this one nurse who seems really skeptical and I thought maybe she doesn’t believe that we’re really married which we aren’t obviously but I need her to because I want to stay over night and they won’t let me unless I’m a relative so I need the rings to make it look more convincing and also I can’t wait to see Rei-chan’s face when he wakes up and I call him sweetie also did you know that your brother invited Ai-chan to visit him at Olympian camp because he did and I think he should invite the rest of us too because I know Haru would like to swim in an Olympic pool and I do too but anyways I called you because you live the closest and I knew you’d have jewelry because girls like stuff like that and I’ve seen you wear it before so yeah please give me the rings so Rei-chan and I can be married.”

Gou blinked once, twice, and then a third time for good measure.

“Here. Just- just take them,” she shoved the rings into his hand and promptly headed for the door. Nagisa let out a crow of victory and behind her she could hear him climbing onto the bed to get to Rei’s hand better. Thanking every deity that she knew that this sort of thing was no longer her day-to-day responsibility, she stopped with her hand on the knob.

“I’m going to call you tomorrow and you’d better give me a better explanation.” She turned to look back at Nagisa, who was trying to wiggle a ring onto Rei’s finger. “I want full details!”

“Roger!” he chirped, without looking up from his task.

 

~~~~

 

When Rei Ryuugazaki fell asleep he was in pain, a little out of it, and comfortably single.

When Rei Ryuugazaki woke up he was in slightly less pain, significantly more out of it, and horrifyingly married.

His morning had started with a face full of Nagisa. This, in itself, is neither as suggestive or unusual as it sounds, and to be completely truthful, his morning had _really_ started with a colorful blur that was _very_ close to his face and might have been related to Nagisa if he’d had his glasses on. The blur, still only debatably his best friend, made enthusiastic noises that were probably an attempt to communicate with Rei. Unable to process this amount of stimuli, or, indeed, anything at all, Rei’s brain decided to ignore it in favor of an itch that had started up somewhere around his left knee cap. He happily abandoned the impossible task of interpreting Nagisa at that hour of the morning and devoted his attention to taking care of the itch.

Rei was a little surprised when his hand refused to make contact with his knee.

His sluggish brain accelerated the wake-up process in order to deal with this setback, getting his fine motor skills and sense of touch on line much more quickly than was normal. He tried to scratch the pesky itch again, only to encounter a hard surface where his knee should have been. That was odd. Where was his leg..? He tried his right knee to compare, and yes, there it was, his fingers easily met pajama-covered flesh. His mind raced, but it ended up being more of a jog. His brain produced a semi-logical conclusion:

“I lost my leg?!”

Rei wasn’t much of a morning person.

The blur that was definitely Nagisa (who was he kidding, he didn’t know anyone else with that much vigor) reentered his vision.

“Silly Rei-chan, don’t you remember what happened?” Nagisa poked at his face, making delighted noises when Rei attempted to slap his hand away. “You tripped over the wet floor sign in the university cafeteria and broke your leg!” He handed Rei his glasses from where they’d been sitting on the bedside table. Rei jammed them on, adjusted them a little more carefully in hindsight, and stared at his leg.

“It’s so…”

“Lumpy? Heavy? Un-beautiful?”

“ _Purple_.” Rei frowned. “Who picked that color?”

“You did!” Nagisa’s grin was highly suspect, in Rei’s opinion.

“I don’t remember that."

“I might have helped,” Nagisa admitted, no less cheerfully. Rei frowned again and tried to push his glasses higher up his nose. As he brought his hand up in front of his face something else caught his eye. He pulled his hand away from his face and turned his attention to it instead.

“…Why is there a ring cutting off the circulation to my little finger.”

“Oooh, it matches your cast! I didn’t think it would turn _that_ color.”

“ _Nagisa_ , what did you-?”

His question was interrupted by a nurse bustling into the room. Nagisa snatched up his hand, covering the aforementioned purple finger by curling his own, smaller digits over it.

“Good morning!” he chirped at the nurse, catching her attention.

“Good morning, Hazuki-san and, um,” she faltered, looking briefly down at the chart at the end of Rei’s bed, “Hazuki-san?” Rei whipped his head back towards his friend, mouth opening to release another storm of questions (mainly “ _What_ did you _do_? and “ _Why_ did you _do it?_ ”), but Nagisa jabbed him in the ribs, motioning towards the nurse who was still watching them. Remembering his manners, Rei nodded at her as well.

“Good morning. Thank you for taking care of me. ” The nurse smiled at him.

“Not at all, Hazuki-san.”

Rei continued, “I don’t mean to be rude, but, well, I think you might have gotten my name wrong on the chart.” Nagisa stiffened and tightened his grip on Rei’s hand. From the corner of his eye, Rei could see his friend making his ‘abort mission’ face and trying to catch Rei’s gaze. Rei barreled on, “Would you mind if I looked at it?”

The nurse eyed them a little, but she nodded and removed the clipboard from the end of the bed. “Please let us know if any of the information is incorrect. We need to have it all up-to-date to make sure you get the best possible care.”

Rei took it, having to handle it awkwardly with only his right hand. He gave Nagisa a sharp look and tried to tug his left free, but the other man just ignored him. Having spent enough time with him to know a lost cause when he encountered one, Rei sighed slightly and balanced the chart in his lap while he fumbled with the pages. Everything in it was entirely accurate. He scanned his personal page over twice, checking the birthdate carefully. It all checked out fine.

Well.

Everything except the name.

Everything was as accurate as possible except for the large characters across the top of the sheet that proudly spelled out _Hazuki Rei_ instead of the expected _Ryuugazaki Rei_.

He started to motion to the nurse, to explain to her that there’d been a mistake. Somewhere there must have been a mix-up (although how they could have done that when his parents’ names where _both_ _listed as_ _Ryuugazaki_ he couldn’t fathom). Nagisa leaned over his lap, effectively cutting his protest short, and made a show of scanning over the paper.

“Everything looks fine, Rei-chan. You shouldn’t be so paranoid!” Nagisa yanked the file from his hand and passed it back to the nurse with a slightly manic smile.

“But the name-!” Rei winced as his hand was crushed in a vise-like grip.

Next to him, Nagisa chuckled a little nervously. “He’s a little loopy yet. Don’t mind Rei-chan, he’s not good at mornings.” The nurse looked oddly at them. Nagisa continued, gesticulating wildly with all three hands (both of his and the one of Rei’s he hadn’t released yet), “It hasn’t been very long since the ceremony and he’s always forgetting to write the proper surname on checks and things. Usually he’s pretty good about it, but it must have just slipped his mind this morning, right Rei-chan?” The crazed look in Nagisa’s eyes compelled Rei to do what he had so many times before: submit himself to Nagisa’s wild scheming and pray for the best.

Hardly believing he was doing this, Rei nodded slowly. “R-right. Sorry.”

Nagisa smiled beautifully in triumph. Before Rei could so much as blink, he had swooped in and planted a kiss on his cheek. “It’s fine, sweetie, don’t worry about it.”

The color of Rei’s face had to be seen to be believed.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, Aijinomoto is the Japanese Olympic Training Center (or at least I hope I've got it right...). I couldn't really find anything about a swimming program on the website when I looked them up so maybe the swimmers train somewhere else??? If anyone else knows, I'm super curious!


End file.
